by Sarah Kai Neal
disappear? Impossible, you may say, but
unfortunately, the possibility of the impossibility
grows more and more possible.
Across the globe, rainbows plagued by the nearing
of the red stripe to the yellow as the death
of their orange nears are now undergoing an innovative
procedure that is saving lives, and color.
To describe open rainbow surgery, we interviewed
Dr. Tender Heart Bear at Care Bear University who
describes the procedure:
“The lucky rainbow is saved by the needed orange
transplanted from a healthy rainbow donor--usually
a poor rainbow, or one who passed away
most untimely but signed the back of its arching card.
During surgery, the rainbow is put to sleep beneath
a sunny day. Anesthesiologists spray mist
once every sixty seconds--just enough so that
the subject is still there, but in a fading way.
Just before it disappears completely, more mist,
then counting to thirty seconds until the rainbow begins
to blink. At this time, in a slim window of 30 seconds
before the next spray makes it again vibrant, rainbow surgeons
like myself inject orange from the skyscraper needle
into the sleeping rainbow.”
Postop, Dr. T. Heart describes, rainbows are watched closely
for rejection of the donor orange, and administered sun
and light pills that clinical studies have shown help
it accept the orange as its own. The risk of rainbow death
in surgery continues to decrease, as leading rainbow surgeons
learn more about rainbow makeup.
In Fix Sick Rainbows school at Care Bear University
surgeons and researchers alike work tirelessly
to uncover the epidemic, now coined the Rainbow
Orange-Deficiency Virus that attacks the orange stripe.
As they dissect rainbow cadavers and begin mapping
its ultraviolet strand, it is their hope to produce a vaccine
before the end of the decade that will prevent
the attack on orange.
Associated Press
