You tried to take the wildness out of me

Couldn't move couldn't find

my way back    to my-body without cold shock

of swallowed-water    Begin with

fingers    wiggle them awake till feeling

spreads back through every piece

of physical-self    It took years

to say the whats I cannot say

because you might someday read this

(are you the reason I only read poems

by women   am I searching

for a confession to hold me)

That was the sound of me confessing contents

of my search-bar   contents of mysilence 

When the blur faded I was able 

to see your face   your face 

surprised me    I don't know

why    I swallowed every blue

balloon and named the cat

Blue   Blue is hiding beneath

the sofa again   Blue's hair is

shedding everywhere   I love

Blue because he's always there

I swallowed Blue

I swallowed decades

of spiked-unacceptable  It was bust

or let out so I screamed

at light-hole in the sky*

became a symbol of my-sorrow     my-brokenness     my-what-broke-me

I shouldn't have

blamed the moon   :

powerless to move   so still

a swallow

would betray the silence

of bone carrying inside itself the memory

of everything I wouldn't have been without you

* (you changed my relationship with the sky)