Friday, January 8, 2016

You tried to take the wildness out of me

Couldn't move couldn't find
my way back    to my-body without cold shock
of swallowed-water    Begin with
fingers    wiggle them awake till feeling
spreads back through every piece
of physical-self    It took years
to say the whats I cannot say
because you might someday read this
(are you the reason I only read poems
by women   am I searching
for a confession to hold me)

That was the sound of me confessing contents
of my search-bar   contents of mysilence 
When the blur faded I was able 
to see your face   your face 
surprised me    I don't know
why    I swallowed every blue
balloon and named the cat
Blue   Blue is hiding beneath
the sofa again   Blue's hair is
shedding everywhere   I love
Blue because he's always there
I swallowed Blue
I swallowed decades
of spiked-unacceptable  It was bust
or let out so I screamed
at light-hole in the sky*
became a symbol of my-sorrow     my-brokenness     my-what-broke-me
I shouldn't have
blamed the moon   :
powerless to move   so still
a swallow
would betray the silence
of bone carrying inside itself the memory
of everything I wouldn't have been without you

* (you changed my relationship with the sky)

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